June 2, 2011--my Yahoo calendar just messaged me saying that it's your birthday, Dad. It doesn't realize you're gone--that your first "heavenly birthday" has arrived, so it sent me a nice "reminder email".
I'm not gonna lie, this is hard and I'm sad. And even though I believe you wouldn't come back here if you could, I cannot let this occasion pass without writing a "card" to say what I would have told you in 2010 if I'd known it would be my last chance...so:
Daddy, when I think about the life you gave us in contrast to the life you had, I'm amazed. I wish I'd told once more you how truly grateful I am for the sacrifices you made in order to assure that we enjoyed privileges that you never imagined as a little boy.
Thank you for loving me enough to teach me the importance of taking a stand for what is right. Your unshakable determination to fight against injustice and evil in spite of criticism or condemnation was remarkable. I wish I had half of your guts and grit and thick skinned gumption.
Thank you for being fearless and teaching me that it's dumb to waste time worrying about what I cannot control. (flying in that little Cessna with you in the pilot seat did scare the bajookies out of me when you did those crazy maneuvers and loops, though, but what a fun Daddy you were!)
Thank you for telling me about life and love (and boys) when I didn't want to hear it (especially from you). I knew it was because of your protective love, but did I ever let you know I was (and am) grateful that you cared so much?
Thank you for making me believe that I should expect to be treated like a lady and with respect. I married a man so much like you (because of you) and I am eternally thankful for the life we've had together.
Thank you for becoming a caring listener and developing genuinely unconditional love as your spiritual life deepened. The kindness and support you showed to me and my family during some really tough times will never be forgotten.
Thank you for being generous and giving us things that we took for granted and failed to say "thanks" for.
Thank you for modeling the importance of life-long learning. Your ever-increasing knowledge about so many things when you could have been content to rest your brain was inspiring and is challenging!
Thank you for loving my g-babies so much even when your health was declining and you felt terrible. This afternoon, A & L were talking about Paw Paw! You probably had no idea how much those little ones adored you and I hate they won't get to know you apart from the stories we will tell--but trust me, there are many stories and they will hear them!
Thank you for praying fervently and faithfully for me and my family. There have been numerous times over the past several months that I've so wished I could call and ask you to pray about specific things. The knowledge that you were always faithful to storm heaven's gates for me whenever I called in a 911 request was a priceless gift!
Finally, thank you for teaching me how to die. The dignity you demonstrated during your final days of life still overwhelms me every day. When I think of you in that hospital, the way you accepted with courage and peaceful faith the diagnosis and prognosis you were given, I'm blown away with admiration for you. You are my hero and that will never change Dad, so in closing, I know that you and your brothers, sisters, friends and loved ones are having the celebration to end all celebrations as you experience the joys of eternal life and the rewards of His salvation! Have fun--and I'll see you later!
I love you and I miss you every day.
Happy Birthday!
Your Eldest,
s~
so touching. we don't know each other but i felt connected to you reading that. we are slowly losing our father to alzheimers disease, yet he can pray and sing hymns with startling clarity. he also responds to expressions of love though he rarely knows who we are.
ReplyDeleteon the one hand, we have lost him; on the other hand, he continues to teach us and encourage us that God's presence is there for him in the midst of this wicked disease. we treasure that lesson, all the while we are ready to release him to his eternal wholeness in heaven. in God's time... so your words are poignant for me.
Marci, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Alzheimer's IS a wicked disease. I pray that you will continue to enjoy precious moments with him and that every opportunity you're given to love on him is seized. blessings and prayers. ~Sandy
ReplyDeleteThis is awfully nice of you (:
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