Friday, April 16, 2010

You Can't Make This Up...

Yesterday, it occurred to me that I really needed to read, pray and study so that I could get back to my writing. I have done a lot of praying since losing Tiffany, but only a little reading and less studying, and I've learned from experience that my good habits are easily broken and bad ones are easily established. So, my intention was to have some quality quiet time when I got home from work and I was determined that nothing would undermine my plan. But then...

When I pulled into my driveway I thought to myself, hmmm, that new hammock of George's would be a great place to read since it's such a gorgeous afternoon. Sounds nice so far, right?

I poured myself a glass of ice water, slathered sunscreen on my paper white legs, and positioned my beach towel on the hammock perfectly. After sitting sideways with my feet on the ground for a few minutes, I decided that I was going to recline in the hammock properly, so I slowly (and I emphasize slowly here) eased my way around, only to be flipped like a hamburger onto the pavement (exactly like something you'd see in a cartoon or on America's Funniest Home Videos). Fortunately, there was no camera unless Google Earth caught the show.

A bruised knee, toe and forehead later, I was undaunted. In my mind, the stupid unstretched hammock had met its match. So, I brushed myself off, dabbed up a little bit of blood, and started again. This time, I proceeded even more cautiously and balanced myself perfectly in the center of the hammock with great success. The breeze was blowing, the sun was shining, my toe, foot and head were stinging, but otherwise all was perfect. I was enjoying God's Word in God's world and it was a wonderful thing. For about three minutes.

Something landed on my stomach--at first I believed it to be a wayward sprig from the massive oak overhead--but upon inspection I discovered that it was a yellow jacket. Now I don't freak out or panic over bees, but I don't love them either, so I gently tried to swat Mr. Bee away. But instead of flying to another spot, he decided to fly south--down between me and the hammock--specifically my derriere and the hammock.

At that point, I realized that I again needed to exit the hammock or risk a bee sting on the butt. Neither one a desirable option, the only way I could ensure that I didn't squish him (guaranteeing a sting) was to again propel myself out of the hammock in rolling fashion. So yes, it happened twice, first by accident, second by choice, and I was not happy.

Still, I was determined to continue my study so I made the decision to move to one of the lounge chairs opposite the hammock. The adjacent umbrella needed to be moved because the afternoon sun was now beaming directly onto the chairs, so as I tried to roll it around, I knocked over a newly potted plant that my gardener extraordinaire (George) had just lovingly placed between the two chaises.

As I scooped handfuls of potting soil back into the pot in my lame attempt to rescue the plant (that was broken at the stem) my mind was racing. I am either the world's #1 klutz or this is some kind of cosmic joke or somebody really did not want me to study the Word or all of the above or maybe there is a hidden camera and I'm the brunt of a not so funny to me joke or .... you get the picture.

By this point, it wasn't going to be long before George would be home from work and ready to know what was for dinner. But first, I was going to wash away the remaining dirt that I couldn't scoop with my hands so when I shared my afternoon's misadventures with my husband I could add that even though I killed the plant, I had cleaned up my mess. But that is where my final mishap of the afternoon takes place. I walked barefoot over to the spigot where the garden hose was attached and stepped on some sort of mean, mean bug with teeth. Yes, I did.

So...all this to say that I plan to resume my chronological Bible study reading and writing soon, but yesterday was not my day.


  1. I am SO sorry that you had such a terrible time yesterday! Just think that later when you go back and read this account of yesterday's adventures you are sure to make yourself smile! You made me! :) Glad you are ok though!

  2. Sandy, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has days like that:) It sounded like an epidose of "I Love Lucy." I couldn't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing.

  3. I'm sorry your day was horrible but it brought a couple laughs my way :) And only a klutz would get hurt on vacation (ME) so I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because I am part of the club!